Wednesday, April 18, 2012

The Effort Pays Off

Since Tyler was 14 months old, we have had therapists in our house at least twice a week...  We have had therapy balls, theraputty, weighted pressure vests, and a whole gammat of other therapy items strewn about our house.  We have had to be intentional about everything.  And, when I say everything, I mean EVERY THING.  From keeping to a schedule, to talking to Tyler (and now Benjamin) a very specific way, to even intentionally breaking from routine.  We have had to be "intentionally spontaneous" with Tyler and with Ben to teach them that changes happen.  When interacting with either boy, there is a constant thought of "how can this be a learning opportunity?"  Sometimes, it's more of a thought of "how will this affect the next goal or step?"

Being intentional is TOUGH!  It's tiresome.  Sometimes, I just want to go through a day and not have to think.  There are moments that I wonder if the work, the effort is really worth it.  Especially when it feels like Ben isn't making progress or Tyler seems to be regressing some.  BUT, when I hit that moment of being unsure, God blesses me with a glimpse into WHY I do what I do. 

For instance, yesterday Benjamin climbed up into one of the kitchen chairs, grabbed a sippy cup off the table, and then proceeded to walk into the living room.  At first, I thought he was going to drink it, but instead, he took it to Zachary and handed it to him, while saying "Zachary"!  Two days ago, I swore that Ben had no idea who any of his brothers were.  He barely acknowledges them or me or Kevin.  The moment he gave the cup to Zachary, I realized he's getting it!  That moment gave me enough confirmation to keep on doing the hard work. 

There have been other times when it has been made clear to me why my intentionality is worth the effort...  Tyler's amazing progress these past 3 years is definitely worth the effort!  He went from being non-verbal, non-social, and miserable, to being a chattery social butterfly who is typically happy and silly!  Had Kevin and I chosen to not do the work, Tyler would most likely still be where he was 3 years ago...

Intentionality is not just for those with Special Needs children.  It's for everyone.  God asks us to be intentional with our lives.  The decisions we make, the paths we journey on are all times when we should be purposeful.  Even small decisions, such as whether or not we should buy those awesome sandals, should be dealt with intentionality, as it affects something bigger (like our wallets!).  How we interact with people, whether a friend from church or a stranger at the bank, has an impact on our lives.  How we react to bad service at a restaurant or a driver who has cut us off is a reflection of who we are and the God we serve.  And God wants us to be aware of that...  He wants us to choose our words carefully.  He wants us to reflect HIS love and grace.  We can't do that unless we are intentional about the things we say and do. 

It's hard work being intentional...  But, the effort pays off!  Tyler and Benjamin are proof of that!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

A Different Experience

For as long as I can remember, Easter has been this big, somewhat emotion-filled, joyous holiday.  When I was little, I went to all of the Easter cantatas.  Once I was old enough, I sang in the cantatas.  The music, the story, all of it just filled my heart.  I always felt so connected to God during those 80 minutes of worship and services.  My parents invited "the widows and orphans" (those we knew who had no where else to go) for dinner and you could just feel God oozing out of everyone. 

There was a slow change to our Easter traditions...  When Kevin and I got married, the first year, we drove back to NJ to see the Easter cantata.  Then, slowly, children were born, my parents moved to PA, and cantatas were a thing of the past.  It was okay, because we still were able to attend our church for the most important service: Easter Sunday service.  I still was able to get the emotion from the music and the sermon.

This year, everything was different.  My new role as Nursery/Preschool Director turned Easter into something very different.  Activities needed to be planned for Good Friday Services, for our extra Easter services, as well as preparing for our normal Sunday classes.  Childcare needed to be planned out and scheduled.  Normal volunteers were away, leaving holes for Sunday.  Even with other team members, I wound up overseeing 4 out of 6 of the services' childcare.  I didn't get to enjoy the emotion-filled services.  I didn't get to experience God and Easter the way I always have.

For the last couple of days, I have been feeling rather down about not experiencing God the way I used to.  In fact, the last few years, I have been mourning the loss of how things used to be.  Getting into a FULL church service is tough.  Being a part of a small group is a challenge.  We may be able to GET to the small group event, but actually doing to "homework" is next to impossible. I can't tell you the last time that I was able to go to anything God centered and actually be able to be fully there...

I suddenly realized something as I was sitting here pouting about what I have missed this year.  I realized that I actually experience God MORE now in my busy and crazy life than I did even when I was younger and less busy.  My busyness has caused me to be more intentional about the time I do have with God.  Rather than reserving my time to experiencing God to church services and bible studies, I now am very intentional to experience God no matter where I am or what I am doing. 

When I am folding laundry (which is more often than I would like), I pray for each of my boys and for my husband.  While washing dishes, I thank God for the provisions He has provided.  I use my 20 minute drive time to and from work to just focus on God, whether with music or with silence.  When I check on our 4 sleeping boys, I quietly pray over each of them.  I don't get hours of prayer and reflection.  It's just not possible.  Lately, I haven't even had 70 minutes to get into a church service.  BUT, I use the time that I have to stay connected.

Don't get me wrong, I WANT to get back to going to church regularly.  I NEED to get back to going to church regularly I look forward to a day when I can go to an Easter service and just enjoy the service.  But, in some ways, my time with God is better now than it ever has been.  The intentionality I have now to spend time with God is so much greater than anything in the past.

God wants me to be connected to Him.  My time with Him doesn't have to look the same as anyone else's.  My time with Him can't look the same as other people.  I know many empty-nesters who can spend hours a day in meditation and prayer.  But, it wasn't always like that for them.  I know young married couples who can spend time in bible studies together.  It may not always be that way for them.  For this season of my life, my time with God looks VERY different than many others.  And, I am okay with that.