A New Year

Here's the deal... I am not one for New Year's resolutions. I can't remember the last time I actually made one. I can tell you the last time I did make one, I failed horribly at keeping it and swore I would never do it again. (I typically steer clear of anything I know I will fail at. Just kind of how I am.) I don't think there is anything wrong with making a resolution or two. It's always great to have goals and hopes and plans. It just doesn't work for me to make January 1st the starting date. If I am going to make a resolution for myself, it's often at a random time and extremely heart felt. Then, and only then, can I actually stick with a resolution...

What I do enjoy doing for New Year's is taking stock of the previous year and looking ahead to the coming year. So many things can be learned from looking back. And so much hope can be found looking ahead. So, tonight, as I reflect and hope, I pray that each of you who read this get a moment or two to also reflect and hope. We each walk a journey filled with joys and sorrows, struggles and successes... It's sometimes helpful to keep perspective when we take a moment...

2013 brought so many fun times. Making new friends, going on vacation with the boys, watching the boys grow into little men... I got to go away to a conference in Georgia for the first time! Zachary started Preschool, Tyler started Kindergarten, and Patrick started 2nd grade.

Of course, there were also hard times. Patrick was bullied at school (which has gotten way better), Tyler struggled initially to adjust at school (but is now one of the best students in his class), and Benjamin struggles to adapt to his surroundings. There were moments of medical scares, and financial worries. But, the hard times passed, as they always do.

Nothing has been as impactful this year as my personal journey. The person that I was reflecting on 2012 and hoping for 2013 is NOT the same person that sits here tonight. God has been working on me all year, and I am proud to say that I have slowly become more and more the way I believe God has created me to be. The internal journey still goes on, as I still have self-doubt and fear to squash. But, today, as I walked through my work's hallways, I walked with confidence. I wore my bright orange coat, my make-up and yes, even lip gloss, remembering the wallflower from a year ago. I didn't know who I was, didn't really embrace what God had created me to be. I wanted to shrink into the background and not be noticed... Or so I thought.

But here I am, ending 2013 knowing full well that I am no wallflower. I am a child of God, and He has big plans for me. I will no longer hide behind others and use my fears to keep me from pursuing the things I feel led to pursue. This year, I have branched out of my comfort zone so far that I cannot remember where my comfort zone even was. I have taught about Special Needs, I have worked with other churches to serve their Special Needs attendees. I even wrote a guest blog post or two. I have connected with families and helped them to see their children the way God sees them. I have poured myself into the ministries I love so deeply. And most importantly, I have walked with God in a very different, much more rewarding way. The negative, destructive thoughts are less, because I have learned how to replace them with truth. His truth.

2014 will be yet another year for me to continue to grow and to become closer to God. I have a desire to meet Him at a new level. And, thankfully, with the many changes happening in my life, I have the opportunity to do just that. Dreaming will be a big part of 2014. Dreams of teaching, speaking, writing... Dreams of being a better, more present mom and wife... Desires to whole-heartedly embrace what God has in store for me and for my family.

I can see glimpses of the things to come this year, and although there is fear of the unknown, I am so excited to see what God has planned for me. And, as I journey through another day, another month, another year, I know that as long as I keep my eyes on Him, I WILL continue to grow. I WILL continue to find the true me, the me God so desires for me to be.

A new year is about to happen, and I am as ready as I possibly can be!