How many times have you been to the store and seen a child
throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of the aisle or you’re at the park with
your kids and see a child off on his own, talking to himself? I am sure
you have been out in public many times and have seen a family with a child they
can’t seem to get control of. Or maybe you’ve been at church and seen someone
with significant physical disabilities walking through the halls.
I am confident that all of you have had multiple
interactions with people and families affected by Special Needs. With the rise
of Autism, ADHD, and Oppositional Defiance Disorder, it would be pretty hard to
NOT run into someone affected by at least one of these disorders. Unless you
live in a bubble, you can be sure that you have met with, talked to, walked by,
looked at, or heard of someone with Special Needs.
With these interactions, we are given awesome opportunities
to care, to help, to show God. But, with these interactions, our human-ness can
show through, and sometimes it isn’t pretty. Our fear, our lack of knowledge
can lead to our interactions being filled with judgment, and even the
accusatory glare. (I admit, even with having two children with Special Needs, I
have been known to give the accusatory glare to families who don’t seem to have
control of their children.) We don’t
know what to say, or if we should say anything at all. We find ourselves
avoiding the family altogether, sometimes turning around and going down a
totally different aisle. We are even known to make side comments to our spouse
while still being within ear shot of the family. (This has happened many times
to my family while out and about running errands.)
What would it look like if we changed how we interacted with
people and families, even ones we don’t know? How awesome would it be if we
replaced the avoidance with a “hello” and a smile?
There are simple things we can do… For the child screaming
at the grocery store, rather than jump to any conclusions about the parents’
parenting skills, remind yourself that SO MUCH MORE could be going on in that
family. When you change your thoughts, your facial expressions will soften.
And, as you walk by them to get your eggs, rather than a glaring, accusatory
look, a smile shows. For the family, this is HUGE! For many families with
Special Needs, the fact that their child is screaming is hard enough. Knowing
that others are judging them only makes things worse. Seeing a kind face in
amongst the chaos can make a difference.
If you see a family with a child throwing a temper tantrum,
pitching items all over the place, rather than avoiding the aisle, continue
about your business. As you walk by, help put back the items thrown about back.
There’s no need to say anything… Again, just a kind face will go a long way.
Don’t be afraid to spark a conversation with a mom at the
park. Her child may act differently from the “typical” child, but the mother’s
desires for her child are the same as yours. She wants her child to grow and
become who God has created him or her to be. She desires conversation with
adults just as much (if not more) than any other mom. You can even introduce
your child to the mom and to her child. Help make a connection. Be okay with
the fact that her child may not want to play with your child. (For children on
the Autism Spectrum especially, playing with peers is extremely awkward and
uncomfortable.)
When you’re with your children, and they see someone with a
disability, and they begin to ask questions, try not to squash their curiosity.
The act of shushing them and avoiding the topic creates fear within your child.
Not being allowed to talk about the disability causes them to think there’s
something WRONG. Rather than shushing them and avoiding the topic, shape the
conversation… Allow them to ask their questions in a respectful way. Help them
to see that there’s nothing WRONG with the person. Rather, help them to see
that God created everyone differently, but loves everyone the same. Help give
them words of kindness and respect for the differences. The more we allow our
children to ask their questions, the more they will understand and accept the
differences. If we do not allow them to ask their questions, we can create
feelings of fear in the unknown. (I plan on diving a little deeper into this soon!)
The families you interact with aren’t looking for grandiose
gestures of kindness. They aren’t looking for you to fix their “problem” or to
offer to take their child for the day. These families just long for someone to
show them patience and understanding and kindness. They spend so much of their
time out in public trying to protect themselves from the hurt and embarrassment
that comes from judgmental glances and side comments. They just want to be able
to go out and do what they need to do, just like everyone else.
As time goes on, we are going to continue to see an increase
in children and families with Special Needs. We will see more families at the
store, at the movies, at church. What would it look like if we gave them more
positive interactions to look forward to? What if these families only had to
worry about their child, rather than their child AND the judgment that comes
from those around them? Imagine how amazing it would be for these families to
see more smiles and kind faces than accusatory glances…
