The new school year is pretty much here. Some kids start this week, while others (like my boys) start next week. This year will bring so many new adventures and new friends and new things to learn. This year will also bring new challenges, new battles to fight, and some things we cannot prevent or even anticipate.
Today I took Tyler for his Kindergarten visitation. He had the chance to walk around his classroom, meet his teacher, and see the other kids in his class. He even had the chance to ride a school bus! He was SO excited driving to the school. He was even excited walking down the hallway. And then, BAM, we walk into his classroom and he froze. He wouldn't talk to anybody, including his new teacher. He completely shut down. I was able to get him to finally say hi to his teacher, but the typical chatty Tyler was chatty no more. So we went for a walk around the school. I showed him where Patrick will be, which is only 5 doors down from Tyler. I told him he might even see Patrick... He started to relax again and asked if we could go out to the bus.
Once outside, he wouldn't stop talking. He was jumping up and down, talking about everything and anything. His nerves were getting the best of him. As he was jumping around and being his "normal" nervous self, he saw a girl he knew from Preschool. With a great big smile, he yells hi to her. She didn't hear him at first, so he said it again. She looked at him, and with a disgusted face turns to her friend and says, "What is HE doing here?" I guess the friend didn't hear her the first time, because the girl repeated, while pointing at Tyler, "What is HE doing here? He's so weird. Don't talk to him."
Instantly my heart broke. Never has anyone talked to or about my child in that way. What broke my heart even more was that Tyler had no idea how mean she was being to him. You see, he doesn't pick up on many social cues. You could walk away from him and he would continue to talk you as if you were still there. It's just a quirk he has. And maybe, in some ways, it's good that he doesn't notice things like other people teasing him or being mean. But it makes him stick out even more when he continues to smile and wave at a girl who was hurting him.
As I was telling Kevin about what happened at the school, his initial reaction was to want to DO something. I wanted to DO something. Talk to the mom (who, by the way, was standing right next to her daughter), talk to the girl, pull the girl's pants down (okay, that was what Kevin wanted to do)... As parents, we want to fix this.
But, we know there is nothing we can do to fix it. We know our child. We know that he does act differently sometimes. We know he struggles to contain himself. We know he talks incessantly. And we know that his quirkyness can lead to teasing. We cannot shelter him from it. We, as his parents and as parents to 3 other boys, need to accept that this is part of life on earth.
I am not saying that we won't at times have conversations with parents or teachers or even principals. We will always fight for our boys. But there comes a point where I believe we need to spend less time fighting and more time growing our boys into confident, accepting children of God. We may not be able to change the actions of mean children or hateful adults. But, we CAN help our boys accept who they have been created to be. We CAN teach them that God made them exactly who HE wanted them to be and no matter what any other person says, they are special to HIM and to us.
We can teach them to walk away, turn the other cheek, and to stand up for themselves. We can teach them that sometimes people are going to be mean to them or to their friends, and that it's because they are sad or lonely or scared or a number of other reasons. But, most importantly, we can instill in them a confidence that they are God's child, and God doesn't make mistakes.
I may not be able to always protect my children from life on Earth. The outside world can be cruel and judgemental. And as much as I would love to shield them from the ugliness, I can't. God has too many plans for them to be stashed away in a bubble. SO, I have to trust God. And I have to continue to remind my children everyday, sometimes every hour, how wonderfully and fearfully they each were made. At the end of the day, all I can truly do is pray that God guides Kevin and me to raise our four boys into confident young men, who accept themselves just as they are.
