Wow, where has the time gone? Somehow it is now nearing the end of October! Thanksgiving and Christmas are rapidly approaching, and I somehow still feel left in August. So much has happened these past few months! God has been doing some truly AWESOME things in my personal life and in the life of able::life (our special needs ministry at church).
Somewhere along the journey of working for our church, God had called me to lead our special needs ministry. I had no idea what I was doing, but I knew God was wanting me there. It's taken 4 1/2 years, but God helped me to find my voice and more importantly my confidence to lead this ministry onto it's next steps. But here's the thing, it's taken 4 1/2 years... Not because it wasn't possible, but because I allowed the devil to have his way. I let fear and doubt interfere with what God was saying, which slowed everything down.
As so many awesome things are happening in the ministry, I have been thrown a curve ball. My health, which hasn't been the most spectacular this past year or so, has been interfering with daily life in significant ways. Some great doctors have helped work out most of the issues, but there's still one more thing left to deal with. I am scheduled to have surgery to remove my thyroid in 6 weeks, which should relieve the last nagging issues. Just as everything was falling into place, I find myself scared and unprepared. Fear has crept in and has definitely been overshadowing the many great things in my life. At times the fear and doubt consume my thoughts.
And, honestly, the same rings true at home. The boys have been doing amazing at school. They are growing into some amazing young men and I can see God's fingerprints in each of them. Their kindness towards others, their passion for life and even their spiritedness (or stubbornness in some) all show me that God has given us some amazing boys. I sit back and enjoy the laughter and silliness, and sometimes even the grossness four young boys brings. But I also fret over things that frankly I can't control. I spend so much time worrying and planning, hoping somehow that will keep my boys safe and help them succeed. I find myself doubting my abilities as a mom, leaving me in a place where I feel helpless.
And, if the devil had his way, I would remain paralyzed by the fear and doubt. If the devil had his way right now, I would probably curl up in a ball and never reach for the very things I was created for. But, thankfully, the devil doesn't get his way. Not when there's a God who is so much bigger than him. And certainly not when God has big plans (which He has for each of us)!
Of course the devil wants his way... He's terrified of what will happen when we follow God's lead. He is petrified of each of us fully becoming who God has created us to be. And so he finds ways to mess with us. He finds ways to crush our excitement, our joy. He keeps us focused on the fear, the doubt, and the junk in our life to ensure we can't see the amazing things happening in front of us.
I am so grateful that although the devil tries hard to skew what I think and feel, I hold onto the truth that God is so much bigger. I get distracted by fear, but only temporarily. The junk overshadows the amazing things God is doing, but not for long. Not because I have superpowers or because I am strong. It's because I KNOW God has a better plan than what the devil has planned, and God can squish the doubt and fear (and the devil).
I remind myself often that if the devil had his way, I would have never married Kevin. I would have remained stuck in a bad relationship that did NOT honor God. If the devil had his way, I would have never stepped foot into the able::life room that one Christmas Eve. And, if the devil had his way, God and I wouldn't have a relationship at all. BUT, the devil doesn't get his way. He doesn't win... He can't win... God has way too many plans for me (and you) to allow the devil to win.
