Summer is here! In our house, it's a very mixed emotional event. The boys love the adventures we go on, but oh boy do they miss their friends and teachers. And, they miss the structure and the learning. There were lots of tears the first week home from school (some were from me!). The adventures have helped missing school less awful! A trip to Hershey Park (thanks to amazing friends who gave us tickets), play dates, and the anticipation of our week long trip to the Shore definitely make the summer fly by! And let me tell you, I am ready for our vacation to the Shore!
I have not been in a very good place these past few weeks. The transition from school year to summer hasn't been so easy... It didn't help that the first two weeks of summer break, Kevin was gone on a business trip to Tennessee. Busyness filled my days, and I was left feeling like a chicken with it's head cut off. There was no time for me... If I wasn't doing things with the boys, for the boys, I was working. And, when I wasn't working, I was making signs for our business. Somehow weeks went by, and I hadn't spent ANY quiet time with God. THIS MOMENT is the first moment I have had to myself to write since the summer started. And the lack of time alone with God has left me feeling overwhelmed, confused and utterly exhausted!
To be perfectly honest, in the past several weeks, I have totally missed the blessings that God pours out everyday. In my busyness, I didn't see what God was doing and how He was working. The conversation I had with my husband earlier this evening jolted me into realizing how far away I have been from being present. I was expressing to him how frustrated I am about some financial things, and how upset I am over not selling much at our last craft show (that I had spent weeks preparing for), and how tired I am from constantly meeting everyone's needs. I had shared how I feel like all of my hard work is pointless because nothing good comes from it. I shared how much I WANT to do for the boys, and him, and friends, and the families within the ministry I work in, but that I can't seem to do anything right. Which makes me feel like a failure... In pretty much everything!
My husband's response, "Where do you see God in all of this?" His question hit me like a 2x4... In all of the struggles and busyness and tiredness, I hadn't looked for God. I plowed through each day on my own strength. I didn't slow down to feel Him, to see Him, to experience the everyday blessings. I honestly couldn't answer my husband. The lack of an answer made me realize how much I have missed... And how something had to change immediately (which brings me to this moment and my computer).
Here's the thing: the feelings of being overwhelmed won't go away immediately. My life is a bit chaotic right now. My feelings of failure in different areas of my life will not disappear when I click "Publish". And, frankly, I have been failing. And I need to focus on those areas so I can fix them. More change is going to happen, financial issues will still be there, alone time will be at a minimum, and well, I will still be exhausted. BUT, my focus cannot be solely on those things. Rather, I need to pay attention to all of the really cool things God is doing.
Amidst chaos, and stress, and change, God shows us all how amazing He is... through gorgeous flowers, children laughing, the beautiful sunrises and sunsets... His hand is in everything if we just take a second to look. And, through stress and change, God could be teaching us something. A little life lesson, perhaps.
I'm sad that I have missed out these past several weeks on connecting with Him, but am so very thankful that I can pick up right where we left off. I am looking forward to seeing Him more in the busyness and the chaos. How about you?
