Personally, the first week was pretty nice. We kept things low key. We had gorgeous weather for most of the week so the boys played outside for hours. (We are quite blessed to have four boys who all play together. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for those who don't have siblings to play with.) We had fun doing random learning activities, like finding the perimeter and area of our entire house. The boys asked questions about what was going on and we'd answer them as best we could. And if we didn't know, we all researched it.
Week 2 has been harder for many different reasons. The boys are missing their friends and teachers. They're missing the routine and structure. And, they're missing learning... like "real learning", as our youngest says. So, we built in more structure. We're writing letters to friends. We're writing letters to teachers. We've begun more "real learning". The boys got into the new routine and are quite content.
Kevin started his 2nd job (part-time) on Monday. This was something we had already in motion before the Coronavirus hit. With not having to teach, he was able to spend more time during the day at his part-time job and then worked on his teaching stuff in the afternoon and evening. We have barely seen him... (Okay, we actually have "seen" him a good bit, but have not been able to spend time with him.) We were prepared for him not being around. We agreed this was worth the short term sacrifice to meet our goals. What we weren't prepared for was EVERYONE being home ALL OF THE TIME. In our heads, we had it planned out that him working so much wouldn't be so bad because the boys would be in school and I'd be working during the day. It would only be a few hours every night we'd be home without him. NOW, the boys are doing school from our kitchen table. We can't go anywhere at all. Kevin's working online with his students in our playroom. And, I have no job.
For me, the hardest part is how lonely I feel; how much I feel purpose-less. As a substitute, I have absolutely nothing to do with planning and prepping. I have nothing to do at all. No way of helping the teachers prepare for a whole new venture. And, I was reminded this week how as much of a part of the team I might be when I am physically in the building, I am actually not a part of the team. I miss working. I miss the teachers. I miss the kids. I miss waking up in the morning and having something truly helpful to do. Sure, I have tons to do at home (but I can only clean and organize for so long before it gets old). I still have to help the boys in all of the many things they are doing and feeling. But there's something so fulfilling when I am helping OUTSIDE of the home, when I have purpose beyond my little world. And, to top it all off, we are now in a "stay at home" order, meaning we can't go for the life-giving random drives we love to take as a family.
BUT, I am learning to embrace this massive upheaval. I am trying to take everything I have learned over the years to focus on what God is trying to say in this time. This craziness won't go unused. And I know He wants me to seek Him in the midst of things. And, even on the worst of days, I can find the joy. I can find where I am truly blessed. I can see His hand in things. On days like today, where tears were many and my heart was heavy, I can still breathe. I can still find Him in the little things like budding flowers and the cool breeze coming in our open windows.
I can't fight the upheaval. I can't magically make the unknowns become known. But I can embrace what is. 13 years ago today, I went to bed weeping over the loss of our daughter, unsure I could ever make it to tomorrow. 10 years ago, as we maneuvered through Tyler's delays and eventual diagnosis of being on the Spectrum, I didn't know how to move forward. There's been other upheavals in my life and God has always helped me to the other side. And I am confident that this time of upheaval will be looked back on in the same way.
