It's been a while since I have last written anything (besides menus and emails!), which isn't very surprising, considering life has been crazy! But, the craziness of life is not really what kept me from writing... It was what my boss calls my "lizard brain". My lizard brain has been working hard these last several months telling me what I have to say isn't anything anyone would want to hear. I have chosen at this moment to push aside the lizard brain and to share some moments with you.
The past couple months have been a struggle for this mom of 4 boys. Each boy has had their own specific needs, and some days it's rather difficult to give them each the attention they need. Patrick apparently had some trouble with a boy in his class. He didn't tell us until weeks later. Thankfully he had talked to his teacher about it.
Tyler has been showing new struggles with social tact and using a filter before speaking. We are desperately trying to teach him when to say his thoughts and when to keep them to himself. I know this is going to be a lifetime journey with him, as his biggest issue is the social stuff. Social cues are not something he pays much attention to.
Zachary just keeps surprising us with his wealth of knowledge. He might only be 3 (soon to be 4), but he talks as if he is much older. He can tell you all 50 states, can write, can read, and is beginning to do beginner math. As much as I am excited for how God will use his intelligence, I am fearful of what school will look like for him... Patrick was hard enough to keep challenged in Kindergarten, but Zach is way beyond where Patrick was. Not to mention, Zachary does not have Patrick's patience and "want to please" personality. Rather, Zachary is a mini-me. And a bored mini-me is NOT going to good for any teacher!
And then there's Ben... He has these awesome moments where I see so much progress. He is talking up a storm, playing much more appropriately, and becoming quite a great little monkey! I want to stay focused on the progress. I want to celebrate the milestones and the amazing things he can do. But the reality is that we still have a long way to go.
In addition to the boys, I have my husband, who deserves my attention. What he gets instead is a very tired, frustrated wife. He tries so hard to be patient with me... There are days I am not sure how he can even stand to be around me!
There's added life events, full time work, housework, sleep (sort of), and whatever else I might be forgetting. All of this has added up to one big stress ball. It had gotten so bad that I was having nightmares about trying to keep all of my plates spinning. In my dreams, I would rush around, desperately trying to keep these plates spinning, knowing if I let one fall, someone (if not a lot of people) would get hurt. I would wake up in a panic, soaked in sweat, frantic that I was forgetting something.
What I had to realize, and struggle to remind myself of daily, is that it's not my job to keep all those plates spinning. My focus should not be on the plates, but on God. My trust shouldn't be in my ability to keep the plates spinning, but in God. IF I am following what God wants me to be doing, IF I am trusting those placed in my life, and IF I let go of all the non-important stuff, those plates won't crash. AND, if they do for whatever reason fall, I have to know that it is NOT the end of the world. (Not an easy thing for me to accept.)
God wants us to stop frantically spinning our plates. He wants us to trust Him. He wants us to rely on those He has placed in our lives to help us. We must prioritize, leaving HIM above all else. It's not an easy thing, and I am in no way good at this. But, I am trying. For the sake of my family and for the sake of my sanity!
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