To Love, To Honor, To Respect, To Submit...

Our 10 year anniversary is only a month away, and I have TONS of thoughts on love and marriage. When I said "I do" I had no idea how amazing AND how hard things would be. Some of the hardest things for me throughout these 10 years fall under these four words: Submit... Honor... Love... Respect...

Yep, all four words should be not only in our vocabulary, but in our hearts and in our actions, especially if we are wives. But, they aren't exactly the easiest things to do. Sure, to show love can be easy, particularly when we FEEL love. It becomes more challenging when that wonderful, mushy feeling isn't there anymore.

Respect can be relatively easy, too. Most of us are taught to be respectful at an early age, and so we have that skill set engrained in us. In the real world, we have learned to respect people, even if we may not agree with them. Respecting our husbands when we don't agree with them is a tad bit harder.

Honor and submission, I think, are the two hardest things to do as a wife. Honoring my husband doesn't just mean during times when I like him. Or when I agree with him. Or when I think he's the most amazing man in the world. Nope, honoring him must still be done when I don't like him. And when I don't agree with him. And, even when he's being a dingdong. We are called to honor our husbands by God. Honoring our husbands honors God. Honor is a VERB, it calls us to action. It requires intentionality.

Then there's the whole submitting thing. I have heard SO many women try to argue that in this day and age we shouldn't be submitting to our husbands. That it's antiquated and some even believe it's some form of us being slaves to our husbands. But here's the thing, God isn't calling us to be slaves to our husbands... He's calling us to do so much more! In Ephesians 5:22-24 (MSG), it says

"Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands."  (HUSBANDS you should note that there's work for you too! Continue reading the next couple verses!)

I LOVE this! It clearly states that we are to understand and support our husbands... He is our leader, the head of the household. We need to support him (even when we don't always agree). We need to understand him, and if we don't we need to continue to try to understand him. Submitting isn't about saying, "Yes, Master!" "Whatever you say, Master!" "What is your bidding, Master?" (We are not slaves or droids.) Submitting is about abiding to him and his needs, thoughts, desires...

Loving, respecting, honoring and submitting to our husbands isn't about feelings. Sure, when we FEEL great and wonderful things for our husbands, it's a lot easier to be and do those things. But, we are not to be fair-weather wives. We still need to love and respect, honor and submit, even when we don't WANT to. (Insert stomping of feet!)

This is where it becomes HARD. This is where our intentions and our attitudes greatly affect our actions. My attitude tends to get in the way of a lot of things, and this area of being a wife is NO exception. When I think I am right, I AM right. What I think is best to do, IS best. But here's the thing, sometimes what I think is right, what I think is best, does NOT feel right to my husband. Sometimes, I have to put my stubbornness aside and say, "I can't move on this unless Kevin is also on board. And since he's not, then I have to support his feelings." (NOT EASY TO DO, by the way!)

But it's not just about "giving in" or surrendering. It's about changing your heart from "fine, have it your way" (with a snotty tone included) to "I love you, and I don't want to force you into something you're not comfortable with." I can tell you from recent experience that the "fine, have it your way" is FAR from being respectful and honoring. It cuts deep in your husband's heart, and everyone around you can see your stinky attitude.

I know I won't always agree with my husband. After almost 10 years of marriage, I have learned that we do NOT see eye to eye on a good bit of things. He is not always the most attentive, caring, and giving man (but, hey, I am far from perfect, too). He is not always right. But how I treat him is not dependent on any of that. It's dependent on the fact that almost 10 years ago, I vowed to love him and honor him in all the great stuff AND in all the not so great stuff. It's not dependent on how I FEEL about him at that moment. It's dependent on the fact that I am called by God to love him, to respect him, to honor him, and to submit to him.

Let your LOVE, your RESPECT, your HONOR, and your SUBMISSION be VERBS, not just nouns. Let your heart and mind shift from what he is or isn't doing for you to what you can be doing for him. Keep your heart focused on what God is calling YOU to do, and let God and your husband work on your husband's stuff.

God's Hand is in Everything

A few weeks ago, I wrote about how I was choosing to change my perspective, particularly when it came to life stuff. I have to admit, it has not been easy... Apparently, I can be quite the pessimist! But, with help from friends and family, I have been able to really see life from a different angle. An angle of optimism, of hope, of peace. Not-so-great things have still happened (and will happen), but how I see those things, how I tackle those things, has really changed.

One of the greatest benefits to this shift in perspective for me has been how I am able to see God's hand in so much more. I think I lived life knowing God was there, but could only see Him in the big stuff. You know, the most joyous moments, or the most catastrophic moments... But I think it was rare for me to find God in the day to day, mundane things. It wasn't that I didn't think He was there, it was just I didn't take the time to see Him.

These past few weeks have given me ample times to see Him. To see His grace, His love, His sense of humor (and yes, I think God has an awesome sense of humor. My Zachary is a prime example!). Through some things He has held me. In others, He has guided me. And, surprisingly, there have been times He has provided me with peace and patience (which for me, can ONLY come from Him, as patience is definitely not a strong virtue of mine!).

My husband and I began taking Financial Peace University (FPU) about 5 weeks ago. The decision to take the course did NOT come easy. We were both scared to face our financial issues, but knew we needed to if we were going to fix things. We also knew that we were in what we thought was a "no win" situation. We wanted to take the class, we NEEDED to take the class, but didn't have the money to pay for the class. Wouldn't you know, God took care of that... An anonymous giver paid for our fees to take the class. God knew what we needed, and doing His thing, made it happen!

So, with this class, we have learned a lot of valuable lessons on how to manage money better (by MANAGING our money). It's been great! But, I was NOT expecting to learn a lot of other lessons along the way. Like how to be a better wife, how to provide a lasting legacy for our boys, and most importantly, how God has His hand even in our financial life.

There are goals to be set and accomplished in FPU, none of which we could accomplish on our own. Saving $1000 for our emergency fund felt impossible. But, God showed up and provided unexpected opportunities to sell items and even for Kevin to have additional teaching opportunities. Things like my mom randomly texting me to say we could sell their old kitchen island was arranged by a God who cares deeply about us accomplishing our financial goals.

Last night, Kevin came to me and told me about some significant troubles our car is having. Something about the engine and oil leaking and rattling that shouldn't be happening. It's going to cost money, probably a good bit of money, to get it fixed. In the past, we would have panicked and then would have pulled out the good old credit card. But it's different now. Now, there's no freaking out... No credit cards needed. Rather, we have an emergency fund and the ability to save thanks to the additional teaching opportunities Kevin has. The car thing is a HUGE inconvenience. But, it is NOT a catastrophic event. And the fact that I can see that shows that God's hand is in this.

I am learning every day how much God wants to be involved in our lives. He doesn't want to sit back and watch. He is in no way a spectator. He wants to be an active member of our day to day happenings. Sometimes He wants to arrange surprises, sometimes He just wants to hold us. But He wants to be a part of every moment. Whether it's in the big things like getting married, having babies, or losing someone, or in the small things like car issues and financial goals, He wants and IS a part of it all. We may not see Him, but He's there. And we have the ability to see Him if we look.

The looking part is what I am striving to do...