Lessons from Tyler

In the almost 9 years of being a mom, my boys have taught me A LOT... From the quickest way to change a diaper to the best (and most efficient) way to make a mess. They have taught me about video games, super heroes, and all of the Disney Cars and Planes characters. They have even taught me which dinosaur fossils were found where, which by the way, there really IS a dinosaur named Gasosaurus (this of course being one of the favorites in our house).

There are SO many things I have learned as a mom, but many of the most significant lessons have been through Tyler... And since the little man is turning 7 in just a few days, I thought it might be fitting to spend some time focused on him and what he has taught me.

Tyler was the only one of our children who was NOT a surprise... We were ready for him, or so we thought! He came into this world in only 4 hours and a "push and a sneeze" as my husband says. He was healthy and BIG and we were thrilled!

That excitement quickly disappeared as we tried settling into a routine. The boy did NOT like to sleep... Two hours at a time for months and months. The poor couch had a permanent indentation from my body, as I "slept" on it every night. Tyler was miserable, fussy, and it was rare to see a smile on his face. The picture above was one of those few times we could capture a smile.

 

As hard as his first few months were (and even first couple years), those sleepless nights brought some great conversations with God. I had no choice but to talk, to cry, and to listen to God. I learned to rely on God for the strength to get up in the morning (or I guess it was more like to continue being awake in the morning). I learned that even if there was no one else around, that I wasn't alone. God had gotten me through many a sleepless night...

 

As Ty got older, we started seeing things that made us question whether he was "okay". There was no babbling, no gesturing, very little interaction with us or his brother. With a very heavy heart, we approached our doctor about these things. It was confirmed that Tyler had some significant developmental delays, and so we began the journey with Early Intervention.

 

As great as his therapists were (and they were AWESOME!), this was a very hard time for me. Accepting that my son wasn't "perfect" and that he might have significant issues the rest of his life was hard to swallow. But as time went on, and as I continued my late night talks with God, I began to see things differently. I realized God doesn't make mistakes when He creates us. He didn't make a mistake with Ty. He didn't accidently look away for a minute and OOPS, Tyler now has delays. NOPE, God made Tyler exactly how He wanted him to be. And as I fully accepted that, I also learned that God didn't make a mistake when He created me, either. (You can read more about this journey here: God Doesn't Make Mistakes )

 

As Tyler continued to grow and make amazing progress, we were astonished at what God was doing in Tyler. He became more cuddly, more loving, more jovial. His silly sense of humor started coming out. He almost became the exact opposite of who he was his first year and a half. His therapists and I were amazed by his progress, and I knew it was God's hand that helped hurry the progress along.

 

Our cranky, non-cuddly, miserable baby has turned into a happy-go-lucky, cuddly, pleasant boy who brightens everyone's day. The impact he has on those around him astounds me. Tyler loves life, loves people, and loves God. He enjoys laughing and being silly. He cares deeply for those around him. And, although we still have our moments (as we do with all of our children), he is a far cry from his early years.

 

Everyday Tyler teaches me how to be loving and kind to others. He asks for more time on tests for his friends. He hugs those around him who are having a rough day. He is the first one in the morning to joyfully say "Good Morning" and to wish people a "Happy Birthday", or whatever holiday/special might be going on. (And yes, he covers the minor holidays, like Presidents' Day and Groundhog's Day.)

 

When I lose sight of what matters, when I forget to be "nice", all I have to do is watch Tyler and he quickly reminds me what life is all about. It's about saying Hi to strangers just to make them smile. It's about meeting new friends at the park. It's about new jokes and laughter. It's about enjoying life to it's fullest, and I believe Tyler does that whole-heartedly.

 

Tyler has worked hard, persevered in the hard stuff, and has come out smiling! He is thriving in school, and has brightened his teacher's year. As he turns 7, it's hard not to celebrate all of the big (and little) things God has done in Tyler. Tyler has purpose here on Earth, and I know he is making his Heavenly Father proud! He certainly has made his Earthly parents proud!

By the way, this little face is the "I'm not happy with you, but I can't keep myself from smiling at you" face. This is quite a common face for him! (Thank you to Leigh G Photography for perfectly capturing Tyler!)

 

After the "I Do's"

 

"My precious gift from God, with Christ as my model, I promise to love and cherish you. To serve you and serve God with a willing heart. To help you stay grounded in Christ and His love. In times of sorrow and pain, I will be your shoulder to cry on. In times of joy, I will be your smile. I promise to support you through all stages of life, until God calls me home."

 

 

Those were the words Kevin and I said to each other 10 years ago when we stood in front of our closest friends and family, ready to spend the rest of our lives together. Little did we know how our lives would unfold. Little did we know how much sorrow and pain and joy there would be.

Kevin and I first met when I was a freshman in college. He was best friends with the guy I was dating. We met a few times, got each other's AOL Instant Messenger screen names, and when his best friend and I broke up, that was it... I thought that I would never see him (or any of the other York people I had come to know) again.

6 years later, as I was online, Kevin's screen name popped up on my computer. His message was short, and very much to the point: "I am cleaning out my AOL IM, if you do not remind me who you are, I will delete you." Yep, that's how it all began... A threat of deletion catapulted us into this amazing and crazy journey.

I knew who he was instantly. I remembered how he looked (you don't run into too many 6ft 4 red-headed guys). I remembered how sweet he was. He did NOT remember who I was, but we continued to chat online for about a month. We decided it was time to meet (again) in person, so I came out to York. We had a wonderful first date, and I learned a lot about him during that time. I learned that family was important to him. He showed me this by talking on the phone with his younger brother, who was stationed in Las Vegas, for half an hour while we were hiking. (Yes, I know for many the whole being on the phone for half an hour would have been a turn off...)  I also learned about his fear of snakes!

It only took us 2 months to figure out we wanted to marry each other. I knew he was the kind of man I wanted to spend my life with. He had the 3 non-negotiable qualities I needed in a man: a strong love for God, a love for children/teens, and a love for music. Without any significant hesitations from my parents (which was kind of surprising), Kevin was given their blessing to marry me.

We spent the next 6 months living in two different states, planning our lives together. Wedding plans went smoothly, thanks to my mom who took on the brunt of it. A dress was found, family friends became involved in the photos and flowers. The church I had spent my entire life in was reserved. We bought a house that Kevin worked on to get it ready for when I moved in. Everything was in place...

But no amount of planning could have prepared us for what we were about to begin... Nothing could have prepared our hearts for the journey God was taking us on. In those 8 months of courting and planning, we would never have believed the amazing things that would happen in the coming 10 years. 4 beautiful, loving, caring little boys. A brief, but joy filled (and sorrow filled) journey with our daughter. Medical issues, money issues. Medical healing, financial healing. Job changes upon job changes.

When we said our vows, we would have never been able to imagine how many times we would need each other's shoulders to cry on. Or how many smiles would come across our faces. We didn't know how hard it would be to stay grounded in Christ, but how fulfilling it would be to make it through the storm. We could not fathom the work and intentionality needed to serve each other, to love each other, even when we don't want to. We also could not fathom the overwhelming joy and contentment and peace that comes with being married, with sharing our lives, living our lives focused on God.

Kevin has been, and always will be, my precious gift from God. His strength, his joy, his silliness bring me balance in times I feel unsteady. His love for God and desire to serve Him energizes me. I believe with all of my heart that God smiled an extra big smile the day Kevin and I married.

As we continue on this journey, I pray that God continues to bless us with the pain and sorrow and joy and laughter. That He continues to be at the forefront of our hearts and our marriage. That He gives us the strength to love and serve each other, especially when it's hard. And that He will bless us with many more years to walk together.