When Your Feelings Fail You...

The time is here... Christmas is just 3 days away... The singing, the gifts, the goodies, the food... Families get together. People give of themselves. It's a wonderful time to be on Earth. Or so some people feel... Others wish Christmas would come and go quickly so we all can get back to normal life. Some people don't FEEL like Christmas. And, honestly, I have been struggling with that "feeling".

I don't "feel" the wonderful Christmas feelings I usually feel. The almost bursting joy of years' past has been replaced with exhaustion and sadness and disappointment. Things have been a bit tough these past couple weeks. My surgery went quite well 3 weeks ago, but recovery has been slower than I would have liked. And now, my new medication (the one I was dreading) has been causing side effects that I am not a fan of. It's all only temporary, but it has definitely impacted my Christmas feelings.

I haven't been able to do a lot of the things that I always do leading up to Christmas. I was barely able to participate in decorating the house and the tree. Goodies have not really been made because I haven't had the energy. I have not gotten my full voice back, and so singing Christmas carols has not exactly been doable (and I LOVE singing Christmas carols!).

And, if those weren't enough changes, this is our first Christmas following the Financial Peace University plan... SO, there was a budget (a small one) that we followed. No big presents, no extra giving, no getting exactly what the boys wanted. It has totally been amazing to know nothing was put on credit cards, but it was definitely different, and a little disappointing.

So many things that used to be a part of our Christmas have changed, which greatly affected my mood... My feelings were causing me to be a person I didn't want to be. And then I realized, Christmas isn't about my feelings. The Christmas joy I should be experiencing has NOTHING to do with my feelings. How I feel doesn't change the fact that God loved us so much that He sent His Son to die for us. Not just that, but His Son would die to give us life beyond this world.

It got me thinking... Just like we as spouses need to act in love towards our spouse, even when we don't "FEEL" the love, we are to act in love and joy this season, even when we don't "FEEL" the love and joy. I think about God and how He must have felt when He watched the world He created turn against Him. I am confident He didn't "FEEL" like letting His only Son leave Him to save us. And yet, He acted in love and did just that. His frustration or anger or whatever else He might have been feeling were put aside and He saved those He was frustrated and angry and disappointed in. He didn't allow His feelings to get in the way...

Things are tough. My feelings are not in a good place. BUT, as HIS child, I am called to remember and to celebrate what He has done for me. This is a time for me to experience the joy that comes from knowing I am loved so deeply that He sent His Son to Earth knowing 33 years later His Son would have to die. The gift He gave me (and us) deserves to be celebrated, whether I feel like it or not.

It's not about the traditions that make me "feel" the Christmas spirit (although they have helped in the past). It's not about the people around me (although those people are wonderful to be around). It's about what God has done... I want to be able to celebrate His ultimate gift to us no matter what my situation is. I don't want my feelings to cause me to miss the WHOLE POINT of Christmas.

My feelings do not need to define my Christmas. God defined my Christmas over 2000 years ago. There will be years of experiencing great traditions. And as many of my friends are experiencing this Christmas, there will be years of experiencing great loss. Whether in loss or in gain, the core of Christmas remains the same. And the joy and love that comes with Christmas is there whether I "feel" it or not. Jesus was given to us to die for us to save us... My feelings cannot change what He has done.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16