I just experienced a very typical dinner in our house. I made a meal knowing that most of the boys wouldn't LOVE it. Frankly, I knew most of them wouldn't even LIKE it. It's not unusual for them to not like dinner... Unless it's chicken nuggets, pizza, pancakes, or pizza casserole, at least 50% of the boys won't like it.
So, with a meal they don't care for comes the disgusted faces, side comments, and let's not forget the shivers with each required bite. There's attempts of negotiation, like "I will eat 3 extra bites of noodles if I don't have to eat the chicken". And of course, there's always the outright refusal to eat ANYTHING (and yes, that typically comes from Zachary). Apparently, the threat of NOT eating food somehow should affect me... I'm not the one who's going to be hungry... I ate my required bites!
In amongst the craziness of teaching the boys to eat, even when they aren't thrilled with their choices, and teaching them to use table manners (including using a fork every so often), there are events that can only be described as "boys will be boys". And when I say boys, I am not only referring to the ones ages 8 and under, but to the 6'4" "boy" sitting at the head of the table...
Within only 5 minutes of sitting down, the silliness begins. It typically begins with Kevin or me trying to talk about our day. The moment one of us opens our mouth, everyone else has something to share. Not because they actually have something to say... Just because they think they should be talking, too. And so, they make up random things to say, ask absurd questions, and when all else fails, they let out a good burp. (For those of you not living life with boys, the rest of this may shock and possibly disturb you!)
So there we are, 5 minutes into dinner, and the first burp is let out... Then the second, the third, and giggles ensue. Once the giggles start, farting always follows. ALWAYS! Apparently you cannot giggle or laugh without passing gas when you're a boy. And this leads to full out belly laughs. It also leads to me trying to reign in the silliness and attempting to have a somewhat civilized meal. (In case you were wondering, I don't typically win... In fact, I typically give up and just sit back and wait.)
In amongst the silliness and craziness, there are these moments of pure joy for me. NO, I do not enjoy being surrounded by burping, farting, and potty talk. BUT, I love to watch my boys interact. I love to watch them laugh and enjoy life. YES, they need to learn about being polite and civilized... And for the most part, outside of our house and when we have visitors, they are very polite and civilized. But in the comfort of their own home, around their kitchen table, they laugh, and enjoy, and stink up the entire room. I want that for them. I want them to remember as adults the silly times at the dinner table. Because those are moments spent as a family. They will not remember what they ate for dinner (however I believe some of their most disliked dinners will be remembered. I still clearly remember my mom's 7-layer casserole, and won't eat it to this day).
What I will remember will be the way Patrick tries to be grown up and keep a serious face, but crumbles at the first fart. I will remember Tyler's silly jokes that make no sense, but makes him giggle anyway. There's Zachary's attempt at sophisticated humor, which always ends with potty humor. And I will never forget the sound of Benjamin's infectious giggle. These moments will be held closely to my heart because some day, our dinner table will only have Kevin and me sitting at it (and I hope Kevin won't continue the tradition once the boys move out).
I am learning to sit back and enjoy these moments. I am learning to trust the parenting Kevin and I have done so far, and to let the boys just BE. Sure, we still have some lines they are not allowed to cross. We still have boundaries and consequences for crossing those boundaries. But, we are now able to let them enjoy dinner (as well as other things) THEIR way. As gross as it might be, it's pretty amazing too.
There will come a day when there will be no more burping and farting and other silly things at my dinner table. Although currently I crave a quiet dinner, I know I will miss it. But for now, I want to enjoy these moments. As a mom of 4 boys, if I want to spend time with them and enjoy them, I have to embrace even the grossest moments. Because, quiet, peaceful, civilized moments do not exist... At all... EVER! And that is okay with me!
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