In my lifetime, I have written hundreds of stories, essays, reports, poems, blog posts, and random projects for work. I have written fiction, non-fiction... Fun and creative things... And let's not forget the oh so boring analysis on books I will never read again. Some of the things I wrote were good, some not so much. Millions of words have been spilled out on paper, computer screens, chalkboards, sand, and even dirty cars. But one thing in common with everything I ever wrote, or will write, is that I love writing them. I LOVE to write.
I don't know if I can say that God has necessarily given me a gift of writing, but he certainly has given me a desire to write. And, I believe that desire is God's way of drawing me close to him. The time spent writing is probably the best time spent with God. And I am not just talking about when I am writing on my blog or something fun like a creative story. I am talking about any kind of writing... Even the strategic plan I wrote for our Special Needs ministry.
It's not work for me... But, it's not effortless either. The effort put in to anything I write is big. I spend time thinking about the "right" way to say things. Not because I am afraid of being wrong, but because I want to be sure that those reading hear what is truly being said. Even little notes I write (like the silly notes I write from the poor lonely caramel cream's point of view to my boss reminding her the caramels are almost gone) are never random thoughts... They are thoughts carefully written out to express what I am feeling, what I am thinking.
As I have gotten older, I have learned to appreciate this time of writing. Partly because I rarely get the quiet time (4 boys will do that). But more so because as I have gotten older, I hear God much more in my writing. What used to be about the product (a good post or story or report) is now focused on the process. It's more about what God wants to say through me...
The connection I find with Him during the process of writing is indescribable. There are moments when I write when I can feel Him in me, almost like He's the one typing. I find myself having a conversation with Him as I think about the next sentence or paragraph. There are moments when I realize that what I started writing about shifts, and suddenly has taken on a whole different path. (This post is definitely one of those moments.)
In THIS moment, as I write, there is a calmness in me that can only be from Him. I do not feel this any other time. Not when I listen to music, or worship in church, or pray, or read... THIS is my connection to Him. He gave me the ability to write, the ability to put thoughts and feelings onto paper that I cannot get out verbally. He didn't give me this ability with the intention of me being a famous author or blogger... He gave me the ability and desire to write so that He and I can be intimately connected. So that He can be with me and only me.
What makes writing even better is that I have the ability to share what I have learned through Him with you all. The honest posts I write are to tell a story... But not just MY story... It's the story of any mom of Special Needs children. It's the story of any mom just trying to make the best of each day. It's the story of any woman trying to find herself in the chaos of life. And, really, it's the story of any Christian trying to maneuver life here on earth.
And most importantly, the things I have posted and will post tell HIS story. They tell of all the things HE has placed on my heart to talk about. They tell of HIS grace, HIS love, HIS patience... There is nothing I have gone through in life that He wasn't there for. There's not a precious moment with my children, or a battle that has been fought that He was not with me for. And so, as our senior pastor talked about this past week, MY story that I write is just a small part of HIS story.
I write because He created me to do so. I write because my heart overflows with His love. I write because there is nothing better than sitting with Him, conversing with Him. He wired me in a way that has made writing our special time. Whether I am a great writer or a so-so writer is not important to me (although it would be nice to be great)... I will write for as long as my body allows because there is no better moment than when I am writing. No other moment feels like this...
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