The Comparison Game

There have been very few times in my life that I have been truly happy and content with the person I am. I have been briefly content with how I look... I have been fleetingly happy with my personality... I have very rarely looked at myself as a whole and have thought, "Gosh, there's nothing I'd want to change about myself." And I realized recently that it's all because I spend A LOT of time comparing myself to others.

The Comparison Game I play goes something like this: I see a woman walking by me and I think, "I'd love to be that thin. She's so fit and pretty." And so I start working out and striving to lose weight. Then, I watch some moms out at the park playing soccer or running around with their kids, and I think, "I should be more like them. I should be more active with the boys." Then at work, I interact with some of the amazing women leaders we have and think, "I need to be more like them. I need to be more focused on A, B, C and D to become more inspiring, more influential." And let's not forget all the wives out there that are awesome at serving their husbands! I think, "I am a terrible wife because I don't get up early to make my husband breakfast. I don't iron his shirts or write love notes to him everyday. And I certainly don't cook him spectacular meals everyday." The list goes on and on. I find myself comparing me to EVERYONE about almost EVERYTHING.

Whether it's weight, fitness, looks, parenting, being a confident woman, cooking, being a wife, and everything else out there, I tend to look at what others are doing to gauge how well I am doing. And, when I compare myself to others, I almost always feel like I am failing... Because I am not them. I have strived to be someone else because somehow I think it will make me a better me. But here's the thing, all of that comparing, all of that changing to be like someone else doesn't make me a better me. It makes me a better someone else. And that's not how it should be... At ALL!

I was designed in a very specific way. I was gifted with certain things, and NOT gifted with certain things on purpose. God gave me my brown "has a mind of it's own" hair and hazel eyes. He designed me to be very fair skinned, who never tans. He made me to have four beautiful babies, and a body to carry those babies. (And a body that didn't bounce back from those four beautiful babies.) I was wired in a way that makes me independent, strong-willed, and strategic. Even the things I see as significant flaws, such as my fear of crowds and uncomfortableness in social settings, are things God designed in me just as He saw fit. And, He wants me to embrace all of that. He wants me to be happy with who He created me to be, flaws and all. Comparing myself to others doesn't help me embrace me... It makes me want to change me...

I am learning to be inspired by others without comparing myself to others. It's a fine line that I struggle with... Being inspired by someone gives you the excitement, the energy to better yourself. NOT bettering yourself to be like that person, but bettering yourself to be more of who you already are. Inspiration leads to growth and maturity. Inspiration does not lead to me changing myself to be like someone else, but to build upon the person God has created me to be.

So, my hope and my focus moving forward is to stop comparing myself to others... Yes, there are some super amazing moms and wives out there. Yes, there are some VERY FIT people out there that look amazing. But, I am not them. I am ME. And my choice to be fit will be based on shaping MY body to be the fittest, healthiest it can be. My goals of becoming a better mom to my boys will be based on what my boys need and what works best in my home. And NOT based on what other moms are doing. Striving to be a better wife will be based on building a better relationship with my husband, not based on the fact other wives do it differently.

Somewhere in this life, I need to be MORE than just "okay" with who I am and how I look. I need to truly embrace ME.  To love the person I am, no matter what season of life I am in. To want to grow, to be shaped, to mature NOT because I am striving to be someone else, but because I want to build upon what God has already done in me. I am me, flaws and all. The less time I spend comparing myself to others, the more time I will have to be the person God created me to be.