We really are looking forward to what this year will bring. Patrick is striving for straight As this year. Tyler plans to be more involved at school (and to not blow away at recess). Zachary is working towards a perfect score on the PSSAs and to be on the Academic Bowl team like his big brothers. Ben cannot wait to be back in class with his friend Michael and to master power chords on guitar. And I am looking forward to a little less chaos everyday.
But, there's a part of me that is rather nervous about this new school year. Not because of the boys, as I know they will do amazing! I'm nervous because I have decided to be intentional about discovering more about myself. In January, I will be participating in a year and a half long class at church that will help me learn to be more connected to God and to be more connected to the person God has created me to be. It's pretty cool stuff, but having watched Kevin go through the class, I know I am in for some hard conversations with God and with myself.
There will also be a lot more intentionality in seeking out what I want for myself, what goals I want to set, what dreams I want to pursue (and what my dreams actually are)... When I was little, all I wanted to be was a wife and a mom. I never really thought about anything else. I went to college because I was told it was a good choice, but really, all I wanted was to be married and to have children. I am "living the dream" as Kevin reminds me often. But I know there's more in store for me now that the boys are older and a whole lot more independent and self-sufficient.
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| Here I am "living the dream" with my wonderful boys and loving husband! |
My husband and I were talking the other day about how neat it is that friends of ours are pursuing their dreams. We were talking about how some of our friends are pursuing college, some pursuing career changes, some starting/continuing their dream businesses. We talked about how awesome it is that my husband is working his dream job as a teacher. The conversation then turned to what my dreams are. What would be my dream job? What do I want to pursue? And, honestly, I had no answer... I don't know what my dream job would be. I don't really know what I want to do. I have spent so much of my time focused on helping Kevin find and pursue his dreams, and helping the boys to grow and mature and flourish, that somehow I have neglected to really think about what I REALLY want to do.
I kind of feel like the character Maggie from Runaway Bride, who can't even tell you her favorite way to prepare eggs... The boys ask me what my favorites are: favorite movie, favorite song, favorite food. And the more they ask, the more I realize I don't really know. I know my favorite ice cream, which if we're being totally honest, is crucial to life. But I am realizing how much I don't know about myself.
With the copious amount of quiet time I will be enjoying this school year, I want to discover myself. I want to find out what my favorite things are. I want to spend time dreaming. I want to be able to confidently say I am pursuing what I am called to do. And along the way, I hope to inspire other moms to do the same.
Mommyness is hard. It's easy to get wrapped up in the lives of our children. As a wife, it's so easy to be your husband's cheerleader and so difficult to find the energy to cheer for ourselves. We need to stay connected to the person inside us NOT called Mom (because we truly do have a real name other than Mom). We need to find ways to dream, even in the midst of the sleepless nights and LONG days. OUR dreams are just as important. OUR time to grow and flourish isn't AFTER our children have grown, but WHILE they are growing. The more we grow as individuals, the so much better we will be as Mom and wife and all of the other titles we wear.
It is definitely going to be a wonderful and crazy year, and I cannot wait to see what God has in store for us!
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