When Fear is at the Forefront

If you can believe, the summer is slowly ending which means a brand new school year is upon us! In the Schussler household, that's a BIG deal! My five guys all get excited about returning to school. Don't get me wrong, they also LOVE summer! Between birthdays, day trips, camping, and our annual trip to Ocean City, NJ, our summer has been packed with fun times. But, there's something so familiar and comfortable with the school year. Our routine is more structured, the boys see their friends way more, and their insatiable hunger for learning can actually be fed!! (Not to mention, this Mama gets a little quiet time every so often!)

Sunset in Ocean City, NJ

This year brings us a 7th grader, 5th grader, 4th grader, and 2nd grader, which is just unbelievable! This Thursday, our baby will be turning 8 and just last week our oldest turned 12!!!! I don't remember ever agreeing to all of this growing up stuff!

I wish I could tell you that I am truly excited about this year... I wish I could tell you that because we have been sending these crazy monkeys off to school for what seems like FOREVER that it's easier this year. But this year seems harder. Everything has seemed harder. You see, our second oldest son Tyler has been struggling for the last 6 months or so with extreme, debilitating fear. He has always been our nervous one, ever cautious when trying new things or experiencing new sounds. He has never liked dogs barking or alarms going off, and will be the first one to plug his ears over almost every noise. We have always understood it to just be part of his Autism Spectrum package... 

But, things have gone way past his normal nervousness. This summer, we watched him burrow under towels on the beach sobbing because it was windy. He has curled up in a ball under a picnic table refusing to eat because of the wind. He almost refused to go on the Guys' annual camping trip because he was so afraid that it would be windy. We have seen him cower in a corner because of our ferrets. He freezes when around dogs (even dogs he knows well). He absolutely refuses to go outside if he sees any flying bugs. 

We have no idea where this has come from, especially his extreme fear of the wind. Up until this summer, he loved the beach. He loved playing in the water, but more so playing in the sand. Of all the days we were on the beach, he only played in the sand one time, and that was after A LOT of coaxing.  

We have a plan of attack for this. We are reaching out to get help through a counselor, and will certainly do whatever we need to help him. But, it leaves me feeling helpless. Because in 3 weeks, he will be returning to school, where some days, the wind will blow at recess. And 5th grade teachers aren't going to be very understanding of the 10 year old boy clinging to them while his peers are playing (or possibly making fun of him). Bees and flies will surely fly past him the first few weeks of school. And there isn't much I can do to help him work through it. And that's hard as a mama. Feeling helpless is such a horrible feeling!

Watching Tyler regress and watching him struggle so deeply with his fears has me thinking a lot about my own fears. How many times have I allowed my fear to command my every move? How many times have I missed out of things I would have liked because of fear?

I have worked through a lot of my fears and have overcome a good many of them. But, there are a few underlying fears that still have a hold on me... My fear of failure certainly holds me back from really succeeding. BUT, my fear of succeeding controls me even more. My fears keep me from really embracing who I am, who I want to be, and really, who God has created me to be. 

As Tyler works on learning how to overcome his fears, I, too, will be working on overcoming mine. Because, we both have too much life to live to let fear get the best of us.