For as long as I can remember, Easter has been this big, somewhat emotion-filled, joyous holiday. When I was little, I went to all of the Easter cantatas. Once I was old enough, I sang in the cantatas. The music, the story, all of it just filled my heart. I always felt so connected to God during those 80 minutes of worship and services. My parents invited "the widows and orphans" (those we knew who had no where else to go) for dinner and you could just feel God oozing out of everyone.
There was a slow change to our Easter traditions... When Kevin and I got married, the first year, we drove back to NJ to see the Easter cantata. Then, slowly, children were born, my parents moved to PA, and cantatas were a thing of the past. It was okay, because we still were able to attend our church for the most important service: Easter Sunday service. I still was able to get the emotion from the music and the sermon.
This year, everything was different. My new role as Nursery/Preschool Director turned Easter into something very different. Activities needed to be planned for Good Friday Services, for our extra Easter services, as well as preparing for our normal Sunday classes. Childcare needed to be planned out and scheduled. Normal volunteers were away, leaving holes for Sunday. Even with other team members, I wound up overseeing 4 out of 6 of the services' childcare. I didn't get to enjoy the emotion-filled services. I didn't get to experience God and Easter the way I always have.
For the last couple of days, I have been feeling rather down about not experiencing God the way I used to. In fact, the last few years, I have been mourning the loss of how things used to be. Getting into a FULL church service is tough. Being a part of a small group is a challenge. We may be able to GET to the small group event, but actually doing to "homework" is next to impossible. I can't tell you the last time that I was able to go to anything God centered and actually be able to be fully there...
I suddenly realized something as I was sitting here pouting about what I have missed this year. I realized that I actually experience God MORE now in my busy and crazy life than I did even when I was younger and less busy. My busyness has caused me to be more intentional about the time I do have with God. Rather than reserving my time to experiencing God to church services and bible studies, I now am very intentional to experience God no matter where I am or what I am doing.
When I am folding laundry (which is more often than I would like), I pray for each of my boys and for my husband. While washing dishes, I thank God for the provisions He has provided. I use my 20 minute drive time to and from work to just focus on God, whether with music or with silence. When I check on our 4 sleeping boys, I quietly pray over each of them. I don't get hours of prayer and reflection. It's just not possible. Lately, I haven't even had 70 minutes to get into a church service. BUT, I use the time that I have to stay connected.
Don't get me wrong, I WANT to get back to going to church regularly. I NEED to get back to going to church regularly I look forward to a day when I can go to an Easter service and just enjoy the service. But, in some ways, my time with God is better now than it ever has been. The intentionality I have now to spend time with God is so much greater than anything in the past.
God wants me to be connected to Him. My time with Him doesn't have to look the same as anyone else's. My time with Him can't look the same as other people. I know many empty-nesters who can spend hours a day in meditation and prayer. But, it wasn't always like that for them. I know young married couples who can spend time in bible studies together. It may not always be that way for them. For this season of my life, my time with God looks VERY different than many others. And, I am okay with that.
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