God's Timing is WAY Better than Mine!

As most people know, I have 4 beautiful boys, with the oldest being 5 and the youngest being 1, with no sets of twins.  When doing the math, that's 4 children in 4 years, with actually 5 pregnancies during those 4 years.  Some people may say we were crazy to have 4 in 4 years.  Many people would ask us, "You do know what causes this, right?!"  Yes, we knew.  What we didn't know is that God had a plan for us, and it did NOT involve anything we had planned.

When I became pregnant with our 3rd son, Zachary, we were NOT ready for another child.  Tyler had just been born 5 months earlier.  We had been on birth control, and were very confident that THIS time, we would not get pregnant.  (Yes, I said "this time", as we had gotten pregnant once before on birth control.)  But, as always, God's plans trump our own.  I got pregnant and was devasted.  I remember sobbing so hard that I couldn't breathe.  We were just starting to get into a routine with having a toddler and a newborn.  Tyler was just starting to sleep better at night.  I was just starting to see a small glimmer of my body returning to normal.  But, there I sat, with the pregnancy test in hand, knowing my life would never be the same.

I cannot remember my husband's reaction to the news, other than shock.  Shock actually seemed to be the general feeling for everyone.  I spent my days praying that God would do something to help us.  And that help wasn't necessarily more money or an extra pair of hands.  Rather, there were days when I prayed that God would take away the pregnancy.  The baby was better off with HIM, rather than with me. 

For over 7 months, I spent my days dreading the inevitable.  There was no joy, no excitement.  I was consumed with fear and anger and exhaustion.  Towards the very end of the pregnancy, I realized I had to accept what was going to happen.  I had to accept that just because it wasn't MY timing, that it could still work out.  So, with all the might I could muster, I chose to embrace what God had planned.  I spent the last couple weeks of my pregnancy preparing for our 3rd little monkey.  There was still fear, much of which was "would I love Zachary as much as the other 2 boys since I spent so long disliking the idea of having him".  But, I allowed the excitement and joy to bubble over. 

In the end of June that year, a BEAUTIFUL little boy was born, with gorgeous blue eyes, and a face you couldn't resist kissing.  Zachary was, and still is, a loving, mischievious little boy, who melts the heart of anyone near him.  God blessed us with such an amazing little boy, who only added joy to our family.  Looking back now, I cannot imagine our family without him.  At the time, I honestly felt that God's timing was wrong, and that God had no idea what He was doing.  BUT, God's timing is WAY better than mine!  He knew just what He was doing, and I cannot believe I ever doubted Him.  Everytime I run into something that seems to go against MY plans and MY timing, I look at Zachary.  He is my daily reminder that God's timing has always been, and always will be, PERFECT.