When Loss Turns to Gain

I have been thinking a lot about loss lately...  All kinds of loss.  Mostly the losses I have experienced in the last few years. 

I am certainly no expert of great losses in life.  I have been blessed to not have experienced the kind of catastrophic loss that some people have experienced.  But, they were losses none the less.

There have been job losses, one of which was quite painful for me.  I was working at a daycare center, was accused of things I never did (a very LONG story), was cleared of the accusations, and still was let go from the center.  The loss of the job was devastating to the way I saw myself...  I couldn't see how I was actually contributing to the family without bringing in the much needed money.  BUT, with help from a good friend, and a lot of conversations with God, I GAINED quite a bit more than I ever could have imagined.  I gained a new view of myself.  I learned how to see value in what I could do for my family,even without a job.  Without the experience of the job loss, I would not have been catapulted into an amazing journey of finding myself.

The greatest loss was the loss of our only daughter almost 5 years ago.  Yes, a daughter.  Shocking, I know!  She was our first "surprise" baby, having gotten pregnant on birth control.  Patrick was 4 or 5 months old at the time.  It was quite a shock to us, and took us a few weeks to accept and be excited about.  Once we were excited, we started making our plans for the rooms and making lists of things we needed.  It was a completetly different pregnancy than my pregnancy with Patrick, as there was NO morning sickness.  I felt great.  Then, 12 weeks into my pregnancy, something went wrong, and we lost our baby.  We named the baby Sammy, not knowing at the time what the gender was.  The doctor chose to do testing to find out what caused the miscarriage.  Weeks later we learned that the baby had Turner Syndrome, a disorder where females are missing one of their sex chromosomes.  The doctor explained that had Sammy been born, there would have been a lot of complications and would have been a tough road. 

So, Sammy was a girl.  Our only girl.  At the time, I would not have been able to say that there could be a gain from such a horrible loss.  But, as the months and years went on, I learned that there were gains...  They weren't easy to find, but they were there.  A few months after our miscarriage, we decided we were ready to add on to our family.  That was when Tyler came into the picture!  Without the surprise of becoming pregnant with Sammy, and then the loss of her, we would not have even had a discussion about having another baby.  But, we were ready.  We wanted a sibling for Patrick.  (And siblings he got!)

There were personal gains as well.  There were the lessons in trusting God and His plans.  There were lessons in leaning on friends and family for the support I so desperately needed.  I also learned that I was much stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.  There was a closeness with God that I had never felt before.  Losing Sammy gave me a small glimpse into what it was like for God to lose His son.  Only, He sent His son knowing that the loss would happen, with the intent that the loss happen.

There have been other losses, such as the loss of the dreams we originally had for Tyler, the loss of being able to birth any more children, and the loss of friendships.  But, with each loss came a gain way bigger than I could have ever imagined.  The pain was great, often times heart wrenching.  It can take months, if not years, to see the gain, to heal from the pain.  But I truly believe that God can turn any loss into a gain.  He has for me...