Good Enough NEEDS to be Enough

As many people already know about me, I am somewhat of a perfectionist.  If I am going to do something, I want to do it RIGHT.  And, for me, right means Perfect.  I do not expect perfection from others.  My expectations for others are quite realistic.  BUT, my expectations for myself far surpass realistic.  This has been a struggle for me for as long as I can remember. 

It has been a long journey to find more realistic expectations for myself. When Patrick was the only child, and I was working a full time job, I needed to do everything perfect.  I needed myself to be everything a mom, wife, and employee SHOULD be.  I lost my job while I was pregnant with Tyler, which sent me into a whirlwind of worthlessness.  I felt I was no longer contributing to our household, even though I was home with Patrick and was keeping the house running smoothly.  It took a lot for me to see my worth not only as a wife and mom, but as a child of God.

I continued to have HIGH expectations of myself, believing I needed to be everything to everyone.  There was a constant dialogue in my head saying that I needed to do better.  The dishes were dirty, the laundry was piling up, Tyler was more miserable than happy, and Patrick often times was left to entertain himself.  BUT, what the dialogue wasn't saying was that the house was relatively straightened up, the boys always had clean clothes to wear, Tyler's miserableness had nothing to do with what I was doing, and that Patrick was happy entertaining himself. 

When I was pregnant with Zachary, my expectations were so far from realistic it was ridiculous.  I was put on "light duty" towards the end of my pregnancy, and had to allow others to help out with the boys and around the house.  I thought I SHOULD be able to do it all, because I was the mommy and the wife.  God had other plans.  He used this time to show me that accepting help from others did not mean I was failing.  It just meant that it was an opportunity to be blessed, and to even bless others.  Being blessed I could understand, but it took several months to understand how people helping ME could actually bless them.  It turns out we are all wired differently.  Some people are wired to serve, and when given the opportunity to serve others, they are actually blessed!

It has taken over 3 years to be able to say, "My good enough IS enough."  A husband, a house, a full time job, 4 beautiful boys, 2 very different special needs issues, and dreams/hopes for myself have left me accepting that my good enough NEEDS to be enough.  I forget things (more often than I would like to admit), our house often times looks like the toybox threw up all over it, dishes pile up, laundry becomes a mountain...  But, I am doing the best that I can.  My mom is awesome and helps out around the house A LOT, friends come and hang with the boys, my intern may need to do things I would actually like to do.  BUT, it's okay, because I am doing the best that I can.  And, that HAS to be enough.  I have 4 happy boys and a husband who loves me.  Best of all, I have a loving FATHER who loves me and I believe is proud of me.  And, that IS more than enough!